Full Circle
by ShadySadie
Summary: Spike returns to Sunnydale nowhere near as nutty as he is on the show. Chapter two is up.
1. Part One

Rating- PG-13 for now. Maybe a strong R latter. Nothing you wouldn't see on the show. Ha Ha. Keep in mind that last season got pretty raunchy with Buffy and Spike's sexcapades, so that's not saying much. DOWN WITH THE NC-17 BAN!!!!

Archive- Anywhere!! But I wanna know about it so I can point it out to my friends and say "LOOK, LOOK! I WROTE THAT!" 

Authors Note- Not my first fanfic. But it is my first 'BtVS' fanfic. (I usually stick to 'Hannibal') Anyway, I've been watching the show since day one and I'm a hard core Buffy/Spike fan. They belong together and no one can tell me otherwise. 

Summary- If I were Joss (which I'm not) THIS is how the first few episodes of the seventh season would go. BASED ON SPOILERS FOR SEASON SEVEN!!!!! You've been warned. 

Disclaimer- I don't own them. If I did, Buffy wouldn't have been such a bitch last season and Xander wouldn't have been such a whiner. 

Full Circle 

Part one

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's the middle of the night-- the actual time is unimportant here, in this place. The few streetlights afford the alley little light. This darkness is appreciated by some. 

A passer by might stop and marvel at how such violence could appear so graceful. Beautiful even. 

The man clad in a black leather duster, his bleached platinum hair slightly spiked with a tasteful amount of gel. And the petite woman who fought him fervently. 

At a distance, a passer by might wonder at how the small blond girl was holding on to herself so well in this engagement. The sinewy man attacked with the strength and speed of a panther. But she matched him for every punch, every kick, every block. Perhaps she's been misjudged-- which frequently happens. Upon closer scrutiny it's obvious that this girl is far from just a petite blond. In fact, she holds a wiry strength that is easily overlooked at first glance. And a freakishly abnormal, raw power that seems impossible for a girl that size to possess. 

The two of them seem oddly at peace with this situation. This fast paced exchange of blows without an exchange of words. 

A passer by might even enjoy watching this display that seems less like a battle and more like a dance. But there were no passers by on this cold night. No one in sight at all. In fact, there hadn't been a sound to hear other than her own heavy breathing from the exertion of the fight. Not a peep had come from the Bronze; which was usually full of energy, even on slow days. No music drifting out into the adjoining alley. No club goers exiting or entering. 

Buffy stopped as it hit her it was entirely _too_ quite. She turned away from her opponent to face the Bronze and took a curious step towards it. "Where is everybody?" When there was no response from the man behind her, she turned to face him again. But Spike was gone. "Typical." she said in an annoyed huff under her breath. "They all disappear."

Buffy tucked a stray strand of blond hair behind her ear and made her way to the door of the Bronze. Her hand was on the door when the familiar voice came from behind her. 

"Where are you going?"

Buffy turned back to see Spike again. He was on his knees in the middle of the alley, watching her every move with his expressive deep blue eyes. Seeing him like this sparked something in her mind. Like an elusive memory or déjà vu. _Hasn't this happened before?_ Buffy took a few steps closer to him. "I was going to find my friends." her stoic voice replied. "When did you get here?" she wrinkled her brow in confusion "You left." 

"I've always been here, luv." 

And suddenly it dawned on her. The cryptic question and answer session. The total absence of any outside noise or people. The amazing disappearing Spike. "This is a dream, isn't it." 

"Is it?" 

"I've had enough of _these kinds_ of dreams to know one when I see one." They were silent for a long time as Buffy lost herself in Spike's gaze. It was that look he always gave her when he thought she wasn't paying attention. Like all of his emotions, that he held so tightly in check with a tenuous grip, had once again eluded him and rushed to the surface. Like he could somehow convey his adoration and unconditional love for her through his gaze, since she never seemed to accept his words. Yes, she was definitely lost in those eyes. A place she knew she shouldn't be. _Screw it. This is a dream. I'll do what I want. _But Spike broke the silence. 

"So, where did it lead you?"

Buffy shook her head slightly " I don't understand."

"I think you do, pet." 

Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed "You know, this is _really _not informative." 

Spike's eyes slipped away from hers and he looked at his hand. Buffy followed his gaze to see that he was holding something. He held it out to her. It was a heart. Dark red blood still dripped off of it; coating his fingers. It was then that Buffy noticed the gaping hole in Spike's chest. She met his eyes again. "You know I can't take that." she said softly. 

"Why not? It's been yours for years." he set it at her feet. "Well, you may as well run a stake through it then, luv. 'cause I can't do a bleedin' thing with it."

Buffy was starting to get upset now; tears clouded her vision "I don't want to do that." When the silent tears fell and her gaze cleared, Buffy realized the location had changed. They were no longer in the alley behind the Bronze, but at the docks. Like it had shifted in an instant but she felt non pulsed by the sudden move. It was like they were supposed to be there. Or maybe they had been there the whole time. "Are you leaving?"

Spike stood now, and met her face to face. Inches away from her body but he didn't touch her. "I'm returning, actually."

"From where?" she said; breathless from his proximity.

"Beneath you."

Pain then. A sudden, blinding pain that she didn't quite feel but she knew it was there. Everything had gone black for a moment and she could hear Spike screaming. When finally a visual accompanied these senses Buffy saw Spike, kneeling in a cave somewhere, some demon held a hand to his chest as Spike cried out in pain. She saw his eyes take on a familiar orange glow then. Only for a moment, though, and then it was gone. But she knew what had happened. Buffy had witnessed the same glow overcome Angel's eyes minutes before she drove a sword through his chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The screaming had somehow transformed into an annoying high pitched buzzing. 

Buffy Summers awoke with a start. The California sunshine streamed in her windows, through her curtains. She sighed and rubbed her eyes in an attempt to relieve the stress that she had, unfortunately, woken up with. "Wonderful." she spoke to herself; reaching over to hit the alarm clock. _Sleeping isn't supposed to be anywhere near this much work_.

Buffy got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom to get ready for her day; anxious to get in there before Dawn woke up and hogged it for half the morning. She smiled to herself _ yeah, you know it takes you just as long…_

Showered, dressed, hair done and ready for her day now, Buffy made her way downstairs to the kitchen to make Dawn's lunch and start breakfast-- even though breakfast usually consisted of cold cereal and a banana. Buffy and cooking were not mixy things. 

Once she had finished with that, Buffy had nothing left to do but wait for Dawn to come down. She had heard the shower running upstairs so she knew Dawn was up. The house was so quiet now. Just her and Dawn lived there. It hadn't been that way since before she'd taken a swan dive off that tower. Buffy didn't like to think about that. 

She had grown accustomed to the constant busyness of the house last year. At first, when she initially came back, all she wanted was some peace and quiet. She wanted nothing more than for everyone who lived there to leave her alone. But then after she'd forced herself to break it off with spike-- another topic she didn't like to think about-- she wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by her friends. Anything to keep her mind off of _him_. She remembered Tara coming over to make breakfast sometimes, a magic free Willow brightening when she found her in the kitchen; her elation when she saw Tara had been contagious, and Buffy always felt a little bit happier at seeing willow like that. Xander coming over to drive Dawn to school and staying for breakfast when there was time. 

But now all that was over. Tara was dead. And it seemed to Buffy like most of Willow had died with her. She had spent the summer with Giles in England as sort of a magic detox. Both had returned a few weeks ago but Willow was still staying with him at his place; fortunately, Giles had decided to sublet his condo when he'd left for England the first time instead of selling it. 

Giles wanted to be able to keep an eye on Willow for a while and Willow didn't seem to care either way. In fact, Willow didn't seem to care about much lately. Giles had told Buffy that he wasn't worried so much about Willow using magic again-- on the contrary, Willow hated the very thought of even passing a magic shop on the street. No, he was more concerned that she may try to hurt herself; the pain of losing Tara and the guilt of trying to hurt her friends had consumed her. Funny; killing Warren didn't seem to bother her too much. And from the darker corner of her being, a voice told Buffy it didn't bother her too much either. 

__

Well, at least Xander still frequents the house. In fact, he was her constant now. The bright point to her day. Him and Dawn. The two of them seemed to have succumb to a major attitude improvement over the course of the summer. And the reasons why were obvious. Anya had started seeing Xander again; although she refused to call what they went on 'dates'. 'Non-sexual public outings' she had termed them. _Not to mention the fact that saving the world is a major confidence booster _Buffy thought to herself with a grin. 

"Am I interrupting something?" Dawn cheerfully asked as she entered the kitchen. "You seem to be having a happy."

"Just thinkin' about how you and Xander haven't been brats all summer. It's a nice change." Buffy smiled at her sister. 

"Hey! I'm never a brat." Dawn said in a mockingly whiny voice before she broke out into a grin and poured milk onto her Fruit Loops. 

"Don't mean to rush ya', Dawnie, but Xander's going to be here soon."

"I know. I know. I'll eat quickly." Dawn said; waiving a hand in dismissal as she stuffed a spoonful of cereal in her mouth. "If you hadn't spent an hour in the bathroom I could have gotten ready earlier." She threw a sly glance at her older sister. 

"Oh, _puuuhhhhhlease._ I was in there ten minutes, tops!" She lied. 

Buffy absently read the comics in the paper as Dawn shoveled in the cereal. _She sure has grown up_ Buffy considered, and not for the first time. The trick, it turns out, had simply been to start _treating_ her more like an adult. Buffy had taught Dawn to defend herself over the summer. It was necessary; after all, they did live in Sunnydale and she couldn't baby-sit her sister twenty-four seven. Dawn didn't need babysitting; she was quite sufficient at taking care of herself. Picked it up _very_ quickly, too. _"What? You think I never watched you?"_ her sister had told her last spring during the whole 'Willow crisis' as Dawn had termed it. 

Buffy had needed the help with the slaying anyway; especially with three sixths of the Scoobies missing. _You damn well know that four sevenths are missing. Spike was one of us, whether you like to admit it or not. _ a voice complained in her mind. She told it to shut up. 

No one had held a grudge against Willow. When she returned with Giles, _all_ the Scoobies had welcomed her with open arms. They were family, after all, and loved her unconditionally. Everyone supported her, even Dawn. And that had surprised Buffy the most. She had expected the 'Don't touch me. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.' temper tantrum when a shame and guilt ridden Willow had tentatively approached the youngest Summers. But instead Dawn had embraced her firmly, telling her how much she missed her, loved her, and was there for her. Willow had cried with relief that night; knowing that she still had a home to come home to. 

"Hello, ladies." Xander greeted as he entered the back door of the Summers home, stepping into the kitchen. Buffy jumped visibly. "Whoa there, Buff. Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay, Xander." Dawn said "She's been zoned out all morning." 

"You okay, Buff?" Xander asked, sitting down at the table with them. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess I didn't sleep well. I had a wiggy dream." She realized she had probably said too much. _Great, now he's going to interrogate me about it. Nice move, Buffy._

"About what?" He asked, genuinely concerned. " It's not a prophecy dream, is it. Because I think we've met the quota on apocalypses for the year." 

"Oh, no. Nothing like that." it wasn't _exactly _a lie. "Completely prophecy-free." but that was. Like she had said in her dream: She'd had enough of them to know one when she saw it. 

Xander suddenly checked his watch "Oooh, School starts in fifteen minutes, Dawnster. You ready to go?" 

"Yeah, le'me get my bag." 

"We'll be waiting in the car, Dawn. Lock the back door when you come out." Buffy called to her sister who raced up the stairs to her room.

"So how's the new job going, Buff?" Xander asked as they made their way to his vehicle in the driveway "Or should I call you 'Mini-Giles'?"

"It's fine." Buffy said with a smile as she got in the front seat. "It's actually nice to be back in the library. Ya' know? Brings back a lot of memories." she told him. "Well," she paused; raising an eyebrow "not necessarily memories that are all of the good…." she smiled softly "But that place has a lot of history for the Scoobies." 

"Tell me about it." Xander replied in agreement as he watched Dawn jogging out the back door to the car.

"Your guys really did a great job with the place. It looks almost the same as it did when we went there." 

Dawn got in the back and Xander pulled out of the driveway, heading to the newly rebuilt Sunnydale High School. "Well, I'm glad you admire my craftsmanship, Buff. Although I'm not too sure about that location. Directly over the hell mouth? Again? I don't think any lessons were learned the first time."

"It _is_ tempting fate, huh. But," she said with a sigh "what else are they going to put there? Besides, that's what I'm there for." Buffy said in a mock superhero voice, pointing a finger to the sky "To slay. Protect. And check out library books!" 

"By day, she's a mild mannered school librarian. By night, she's Buffy: The Vampire Slayer!!" Xander joined in.

" '_Buffy: The Vampire Slayer_' ?" Dawn repeated; considering. "Have you ever just, like, though about how lame that sounds? Maybe you should change your name to something cooler." she suggested from the back. 

"What's wrong with my name?" Buffy said with that trademark pout. 

It seemed like the start of another good day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles and Willow had shown up at the library near the end of the day. It was the ritual that had formed over the past few weeks since they had come back and school had started along with Buffy's new job. Xander would drop her and Dawn off at the school, Giles would come by with Willow to pick them up. He usually showed up early with some excuse, but Buffy knew he enjoyed being there as much as she did. 

Today, Buffy was lost within the maze of shelves in the back, cataloging slayage related books that Giles had brought for the library. With the Magic Box totaled, the plan was to turn the library into Scooby central again. Giles assisted her as Willow sat quietly at the table with her laptop; surfing the net for nothing in particular. Just keeping busy. 

"I'd expect quite a few students come in to check out books during the course of the day." Giles said; placing a Demonology reference book high on a shelf.

Buffy smiled "If you're asking if it's just as dead in here as it was when you were librarian, then the answer is yes." 

"Oh. I see." He found a spot for another book. Giles cleared his throat "It's for the best, I suppose. It would be hard to research with the student body constantly moving in and out of here." he paused for a moment "Although, this lack of interest in books of any kind makes me fear for this nations future." 

"Haven't you been doing that since _I _ was going here?"

"Unfortunately, yes." 

"Anyway," she began, as she put the last book in her pile away "I don't think it would matter if the whole school decided to come on patrols with me. It's not like this town doesn't know what's going on here. They might as well post 'Home of the Hell Mouth' on the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign." 

Giles took off his glasses and cleaned them; walking with her back down to the table where they had left Willow. "Please let me keep my delusion that you still have a secret identity. It makes me feel better."

She held up her hands in surrender "Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night." Her sentence was punctuated by the sound of the last bell ringing. 

Buffy flopped down into the chair across from Willow with a sigh. Willow threw her a sympathetic smile "Rough day?" 

"I think I was spoiled by all the joy I experienced while working at the Doublemeat Palace." she said sarcastically "But somehow, I'll just have to manage to pull through and deal with this." Buffy regarded her friend "So how are you doing, Will?"

"Better. I think." The red head looked down at a paperclip she had found on the table; she began to fiddle with it in her fingers. "I'm not having the nightmares anymore."

"Well, that's a plus." Buffy said; relieved for her friend. She knew what it was like to be plagued by dreams.

"Actually, they stopped not too long after I got back to Sunnydale." Willow met Buffy's eyes again. " I really think being with you guys has helped a lot." She smiled shyly at Buffy.

It hit Buffy how much Willow reminded her of the way she used to be in high school. It seemed as though she had reverted back to the shy girl she'd met Sophomore year. Buffy smiled sadly back at her and placed a hand over hers; stopping her from torturing the poor bent out of shape paperclip any longer. " I love you, Will." Buffy told her, but quickly decided to change the subject before they both started to cry. "Oooh, have you talked to Xander yet today?"

Willow let out a short laugh "No, but I'm sure I will. The crazy guy has spent almost every minute of his free time with me since I got back. I keep telling him to get a life." she said with a smile.

"Well, he wants to know if we're Bronzin' it tonight. You up for it?" 

"Oooh, Can I come!?" Dawn asked as she stepped in the doorway, making her way to the table and sitting next to Willow. 

"If you finish your homework. And I want to see it, too." 

"Cool! No problem." she unzipped her backpack and pulled out her books to start it right away.

"What do you have, anyway?" Buffy asked.

"Just Algebra."

"Yeeechhhh! Okay, maybe Willow should check it." She looked to the red head for confirmation. 

"No problem, Buff." Willow let out a dramatic sigh and shook her head in disapproval "It seems all those study session I had with you in high school were spent in vain."

"Not _all_ of them." Buffy pouted. She remembered then that Willow never gave her an answer about the Bronze "So, do you want to go?" 

"Come on, Willow. It'll be fun. Remember fun?" Dawn nudged her playfully with an elbow. 

The former witch had uncertainty written all over her face " I don't know…" She looked to Giles who had been standing at the front desk the whole time, sipping tea and flipping through a new spell book he had just gotten in. He looked up at her then; as though he knew she was looking to him for an answer.

"Well, you don't need _my_ permission, Willow. You're a grown woman." She was about to give Buffy an answer when Giles chimed in again "Though, I think it's a wonderful idea for you to get out and experience this crazy thing called 'fun' that Dawn speaks of." 

Willow rolled her eyes and smiled "Alright, I'll go! Happy?" 

"Quite." Giles looked back down at his book.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Bronze was pretty busy for a Tuesday night. Had it not been for the air conditioning in the club, Buffy was sure it would have been a million degrees in there. They had gotten there early and managed to get the good table near the dance floor; the one by the stairs that went up to the catwalk. 

It was the first time that _all _of them had gone out together in the longest time. Definitely the first time since Willow had been back. Maybe even the first time since Tara's birthday party a year an a half ago. No one could be sure. And no one wanted to think about Tara right now and pop the fun-bubble that had somehow managed to surround them all at once. Willow seemed to be her brightest since her return. Anya had agreed to come, making Xander the happiest man alive at the moment. Dawn was ecstatic anytime she got to hang out with Buffy and her friends. And Buffy…. Well, Buffy managed to not stop and wonder about where Spike had gone every sixty seconds. _I DO NOT think about Spike every sixty seconds!_

Whatever.

Not for the first time today, Buffy wondered if she should have told Giles about the dream. Normally, she would have. She told Giles about all of the dreams she'd had that troubled her this much. It was the contents of aforementioned dream that had stopped her. Buffy wrapped her mind around this as she used the straw in her empty cup to push the ice around. _So much for not thinking about Spike every sixty seconds…. _She had to admit, he had definitely left an imprint on her life; the past year especially. _More like a crater left by a meteorite. _she though despondently. 

"Hello?? Earth to Buffy?" Xander was saying.

"Huh?"

" I offered to buy everyone another beverage in celebration of my good mood."

"Oh," She smiled at her lapse "I'm good." 

Xander shrugged and turned to go get the drinks. Willow leaned over to her "You okay, Buff? You were all talky gal, then all of a sudden you took up residence on planet Buffy." 

"I'm _fine_. I'm back. I'm here." She looked up at the band on stage for a moment. Buffy thought she could remember them playing in here before, but she wasn't sure. She turned to Willow "I wanna' go dance when Xander gets back!" 

"Ummm, okay, I guess….. Why not." Willow was feeling good. Not cartwheels and puppy dogs good, but she could be dancy Willow. 

Xander was coming back now. Buffy was about to ask Dawn and Anya if they wanted to come, but Anya had the teen enthralled in a story about evisceration and the evil of bunnies. 

Buffy turned back to Willow and grabbed her hand "Come on." 

Xander arrived at the table and set the drinks down. "Where ya' going?" 

"To dance," Willow said "And you're coming with." She grabbed his hand and they pulled him out to the floor. 

A new song had started, and Buffy could swear she'd danced with Willow and Xander to it before. 

There was quite a crowd in there by then. No one paid attention to the familiar being that moved unnoticed through the people. Watching. Watching _her. _

"I did a stupid thing last night" the lead singer began.

His angular features seemed softer as he watched Buffy dance. Her arms above her head as her body moved in time with the beat. His full lips parted slightly and his head tilted to the side as he began to take measured steps through the crowd, through the smoke and shadows. 

__

"I called you.

A moment of weakness. 

No, not a moment. More like three months of weakness."

He watched as _she_ danced with Red and Harris-the-bloody-wanker. His deep blue eyes focused on her. She was the center of the room. Soon, she was the _only_ one he saw. Time slowed. The lyrics to the song that played trickled into his brain for some reason, though. And he recognized it. How could he not? He'd committed everything about the first time he saw her to memory. He'd played it over and over again on many occasions. It struck him as odd how similar this instant was to that. _coincidence? _

__

"I'm one step away from crashing to my knees."

He remembered that night. He'd watched her, just like this. He'd come to the club to size up his opponent and found himself drawn to her instead. Her scent, the way she moved, everything about her was intoxicating. She had a small body build but he could _feel _her power from where he stood. He wanted her then. He wanted her desperately.-- and not to kill. He wanted to see her fight; maybe with him. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to talk to her and he almost gave in. He was one step away from going up to her and just introducing himself. But he'd realized how ridiculous it sounded as soon at the idea popped into his head. _You're not a bloody high school freshman. Stop acting like a ponce. _He knew what this was. It was William slipping out. It happened from time to time-- not very often, but it happened. And only around Drusilla. He'd do romantic things for her; little things. He'd tell her he loved her and she would dismiss him with her gibberish. Drusilla. _Drusilla. I love Drusilla. Bloody hell. _And that's when he snapped out of the trance that the Slayer had caught him in. Telling the vamp that had joined him on this little stakeout to go get something to eat. 

But that was five years ago. _I should have done it differently…_ Ahhh regret. An unfortunate side effect of owning a soul. One of many. Although, he could have sworn he'd felt it before. He knew it was much stronger now. All of his emotions felt intensified. 

__

"I'm one step away from spilling my guts to you." 

He stopped by a support beam for the ceiling; watching her from behind it now. He wanted to go to her. He wanted to talk to her. Now. He was impatient by nature, but it was the cold fear of rejection that stopped him. 

He wanted to tell her what he got for her. Maybe not intentionally, but he had it now, none the less. _Maybe I could just skip the part about how I'd actually gone there to get the chip out…._ NO. He wanted to tell her the truth. Maybe it was the soul talking. Deep down, though…. In his heart… he knew he _had_ gone there for a soul. He'd thought it was the chip. He though he wanted to kill her. Get rid of her. Make the feelings stop. Out of sight, out of mind. _But she was dead last summer and all you did was cry. One hundred and forty seven days she was gone and you cried for her every one of them. _a voice inside had screamed at him the whole time he was in Africa. And that must have been the voice that the demon heard when he decided to restore Spike's soul. 

He wanted to tell her about his guilt. Remorse for the people that he'd killed. Would that make her happy? So many victims, so much blood, and he hated himself for it. Would she be glad? But, unlike Angel, he managed to keep in mind that it was all the past. There was nothing he could do about it now. To not remember this, is to allow the guilt to drive you insane.

No, there was only one thing he'd done where the guilt threatened to drive him mad: He'd tried to rape Buffy. He loved her and he'd almost done the most disgusting thing imaginable to her. Spike knew he was completely out of his head when it had happened _Could have given Dru a run for her money. _It was no excuse. He thought Buffy deserved an apology at least, but he knew being able to say he was sorry might ease his guilt a little and that was something he didn't deserve. He was torn; wanting to be part of her life and knowing that he shouldn't be pulling him in two different directions. 

__

God, I want to touch her. 

It had been months…..

He had gotten a soul. Not become a saint. He had humanity in him now. But humanity can be a selfish thing, too. He knew he had to at least _try _to put the pieces together. 

Spike decided to indulge in watching her just a little bit longer and then he would leave….. really. But Buffy stopped dead then. Spike watched as she became very still, her gaze shot up to level with that of the crowd's. _Bloody hell, she knows. I got too bloody close. _He tucked his body behind the beam; hoping she couldn't see him. 

Buffy could _feel him._ Her eyes scanned the people around her. Willow and Xander had seen her stiffen immediately and were asking her what was wrong. She held up a hand to silence them for a minute; giving them an excuse about seeing a vamp hunting the Bronze. "I'll be right back." she said as her senses honed in on a support beam that stood two or three yards away. Slowly, Buffy made her way over to it. 

But there was no one there. No one behind it. But she HAD _felt him. _It was dissipating now. The tingling she felt along with the heat in her belly. Her heat rate a little faster that usual. And she didn't get that for just any vampire. Only when _he_ was near…. and Angel once upon a time. But that had ended _years_ ago. It was only Spike now, and as much as she hated to admit it; it had been that way since college. 

She looked around her. Nothing. Desperately, she burst out the back door and glanced around the alley. 

"Spike?" She called softly. 

But again with the nothing. Buffy let out a shaky breath and leaned against the brick wall of the Bronze. She looked at the alley where they had fought so many times. The alley where she'd told him he was beneath her. He'd looked so hurt. _Well, it was really mean. _But there was more to it, she could tell. Something she didn't know. 

Then the sobs started. They wracked her body and she slid down the wall until she was seated on the ground; hugging her knees and burying her head. If someone had told her five years ago that she would be crying because she missed Spike, she would have clocked them. But she was. His absence had suddenly hit her in a rush and she wanted him to come back. _It probably wasn't him at all_. _I just wanted it to be._ She'd been so mean. She'd been terrible to him and she knew it. She thought she owed him an apology, at least. Even after what he had tried to do to her. It didn't matter. He was never coming back. They all left. 

__

"I'm using you. And it's killing me." Buffy remembered her words to him when she broke what was left of his heart. What she hadn't already destroyed. _What about what it did to him? God, I'm such a bitch. _

Buffy knew she had to pull herself together. Willow, Xander and the others must be wondering about her. She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand, took a deep breath and stood up. Steeling herself to face the world again. 

Spike watched from the shadows as she went back inside. 

__

She was crying. She couldn't find me and she was crying because of it. He had wanted to go over to her then. Make her stop crying. Tell her he was there. He came back. He wasn't like the others. But the cold fear of rejection had grabbed him again. And he froze where he stood. _I've somehow turned into _more_ of a poof when it comes to her. _Spike leaned against the wall, as she had done only moments ago, and closed his eyes. _Don't bloody well see how that could be. Girl already had me whipped. _

He opened his eyes again and considered. At least there was one consolation to this night that had done nothing but tease: Spike began to feel the beginnings of hope. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Be Continued…..

PLEASE REVIEW!!! I'll slip into a deep depression and kill myself if you don't. 

It will be all your fault AND HOW WILL YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF THEN!!!


	2. Part Two

Rating- PG-13 again

Archive- Anywhere!! But I wanna know about it.

Authors Note- Wanna hear something weird? I had no idea that Spike was going to tell Buffy he "tried to cut it out" (meaning his heart, I think) in the show when I wrote the dream sequence in the first chapter. I must be psychic lol. Anyway, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for the reviews. I really appreciate it! Sorry you had to wait so long for a second chapter; I was a little blocked as to how I should continue. But after watching 'Lessons' I was totally in my Buffy/Spike place. I wish there had been more Spuffy interaction in that ep., though. I was definitely left wanting more. 

Summary- Spike returns to Sunnydale (nowhere near as insane as he is in the show-- I sure do hope he gets over _that_ soon. But I digress) And it seems he still has that pesky habit of stalking Buffy; who doesn't know he's back. 

Disclaimer- Not mine.

Full Circle

Part Two

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Buffy was screaming. 

What was she saying? He couldn't quite understand her. Couldn't make it out. But he knew he'd heard it before. Many times before. Every night, in fact-- or day, as the case may be.

What was she saying? He strained to hear her… She was screaming at him… it was suddenly clear.

"Spike, _please_ STOP!" she begged him. Buffy begged him to stop.

__

"You don't strike me as the begging type." he recalled saying to her once, a long time ago. But that was neither here nor there. 

He _saw_ her now and she was crying. Buffy was crying because of him. Calling out for help because of him and he felt his heart shatter as a result. He felt his chest may collapse at any moment. The pain that overtook his body and mind overshadowed the sharp kick that Buffy delivered to his torso, sending him flying across the bathroom. The room was so bright. Too bright. It didn't seem normal, how there could be so much light and he just hadn't seen. 

He pulled himself up off the floor, holding on to the counter-- as he had a thousand times before. And he heard her next words as clear as day-- just as he had a thousand times before. 

"Ask me again why I could never love you!"

It pierced him anew, like a stake through the heart, every time he heard it. Only now when he heard it, unlike the first time, it pierced his soul too. He saw her standing there clutching her bathrobe shut tight around her. His powerful slayer; trembling, wide eyed and teary. He had done this to her. 

Spike felt like he might vomit.

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He awoke with a start then. At first he was unsure of where he was but it soon came back to him. He was sleeping where he had been every day since his return; on the cold, hard floor of a far room in the basement of the new Sunnydale High School building. 

Buffy's cries echoed in his mind again and he quickly crawled to the corner of the room; he was going to be sick. But all he could do was dry heave. He hadn't fed in days. 

When it finally subsided, all he could bring himself to do was sit against the wall with his head in his hands. Silent tears fell from his pained, blue eyes. 

Her name ran through his mind over and over again. His Buffy. His Slayer. The one person he had wronged that was still alive to feel the pain. The only person he had wronged that he loved. 

__

Enough of this rot. Spike steeled himself with a deep breath; wiping the tears from his face with the back of his hand. He knew he had to feed. He absolutely had to. But the very thought disgusted him. Even though he knew it was only pigs blood, it was the very embodiment of everything he was that he hated. Yet at the same time, a primal force within him craved it-- anticipated the taste of it. It was a deep desire that needed to be quenched the way a man lost in the desert desires water. It was this force that drove him out of the dank basement now. 

Spike ascended the stairs to the door that would lead to the main hall of the school. He listened carefully to be sure there was no one out there before turning the handle and pushing the door open. 

It was still very early for a vampire to be surfacing. But then again, Spike had always kept strange hours. The sun had mostly gone down, but the sky was still lit; splashed with deep tones of red, orange, and purple. He could see it from where he stood in the hall; lined with many windows. It would be okay for him to go out without sizzling, though.

He noticed just how many windows there were in this building. Making the new school seem bright and pure during the light hours. Even at night it didn't look too threatening. The vibrant colors of the fresh paint in the halls made it appear like a happy place. Clean. A place where he didn't belong. Which was another reason he seldom left the basement. . 

Spike purposefully made his way to one of the side doors of the building; having no desire to go out the front at the risk of being seen. It _was_ still pretty early.

As he strode down the halls, surrounded by the bright blue lockers on either side, he thought about her. _What else is new._ He wanted to see her again. Maybe if he stood in her back yard, behind the trees, he could see her through the windows. He _had_ done it before. Or maybe she would go to the Bronze again. He had really liked seeing her there when he'd followed last week. He liked seeing her happy; dancing with her friends. She'd seemed…. _effulgent? Ha ha… _ Like he'd remembered her from when she was younger; when he'd first come to Sunnyhell. Before the whole ordeal with Angelus had weathered her. Before Joyce's death had killed her just a little bit more. Before being pulled back into this life that she'd been happy to be done with. 

He didn't know what had happened, but something in Buffy had surely changed. _She's happier with you out of her life, mate. _Spike told himself. 

He only wanted to watch her from a distance, though. That was okay, right? Just to see her happy. That was all. Try and imprint it in his mind and take it with him so maybe he wouldn't dream about…_that other thing_ anymore. Then he remembered how she had felt him , at the Bronze, when he'd gotten to close. She wasn't happy after that. She cried because of him…_again. All I've ever brought that girl is misery. _This train of thought led him to how useless he was. _Pathetic. _

It soon struck him how much he was starting to sound like Harris. Spike vowed to take a short stroll through the sunshine if he caught himself sounding like such a _bloody whiner _again. 

Spike turned the corner to the corridor that would take him to the nearest side exit just as he heard a door at the far end opening and voices echoing down the otherwise deserted hall. Several of the voices belonged to a small amount of students that dispersed quickly; desperate to escape the confines of the detention hall as soon as possible. But one voice reached his ears that was achingly familiar. 

Dawn stopped short as soon as she left the room; eye to eye now with her sister who had been waiting for her outside. "Who made up this crazy policy, anyway?" she let out a nervous chuckle. "I mean, detention for being late? It really is ridiculous if you ask me."

Spike turned tail and booked back around the corner before he could be seen. _looks like I'll have to get out another way _he considered; back against the wall, listening. 

" Oh, I totally agree." her older sister said, sarcastically. "Detention for being late to school twenty times and counting. What were they thinking." 

Maybe he could find another way out in a few minuets. Spike peeked around the corner. The increasing darkness in the halls helping to conceal him. But he could see them.

"You are _soooo_ exaggerating. It was more like twelve." They turned down another hall and disappeared from his sight. "Besides, it's not like it's even _my_ fault I'm late a lot."

"I'm not even going to justify that with a response." Buffy said; monotone. 

Their voices echoed back to him. Spike listened as their footsteps grew further and further away. _Follow or flee? _It had been the best view of the Nibblet he'd gotten since he came back. She looked so grown up. How had it happened in a few short months? It made him well aware of human mortality and how quickly things change in the blink of an eye. _Follow. _

Spike quietly walked over to the next corner. He watched as the two of them made their way to the door; chatting absently about nothing and everything. _Buffy grew her hair out again… _It had been up the last few time he'd seen her, but now it hung loose around her shoulders. Blond locks lightly bouncing against her back as she walked towards the front door. _Stupid hair_ he remembered with a slight smile as he tilted his head_ Yeah, that was real bloody smooth. _

Buffy suddenly stopped right before they reached the doors. Spike held his unneeded breath as he was sure she must have felt him again. 

"Crap." she said; slapping a hand to her forehead. 

Dawn stopped now and turned to face her. "What?"

"I forgot my bag in the library."

Dawn shrugged "Okay." and turned back to the door.

"Wait. Where are you going?"

"Out to the car." Dawn exaggerated the sentence as though she were talking to someone a little slow. "Giles and Willow are waiting, right? I'll tell them you'll be right out." When Buffy continued to look at her like she had grown a second head, Dawn continued "I think I can brave the trials and tribulations of crossing the street on my own. I promise to look both ways first."

Buffy's lips formed a sardonic grin "Funny." She sighed. "Okay. My bad. Residual over protectiveness." She dismissed it with a wave of her hand. " It's still working it's way out."

"No problem. I'll be in the car." 

"Okay, be right out." Buffy turned and headed back down the hall.

"Unless, of course, I get jumped by a gang of vampires as soon as I set foot out the door!" Dawn called back to her sister. "Whatever will I do?" she said in a girly damsel in distress voice. 

"Shut up." Buffy casually retorted back over her shoulder. 

Spike ducked into one of the classrooms as Buffy came back down the hall, turned the corner and passed the door he hid behind. He was just about to turn the knob and go back out into the hall when he saw her retracing her steps. Spike watched through the small window on the door as she slowly backed up and stopped her pace in the middle of the hall, right next to the classroom where he hid. He watched the expression on her face; her brow furrowed as though she were deep in thought. Her gaze cast down to the floor in concentration. Spike thought that at any moment her eyes might dart up to the window that he watched her through. She would definitely see him then. But she sighed in resignation instead; her body visibly relaxing. Her gaze turned from pensive to downcast as she shook her head and kept going.

__

THAT was close.

But he continued to follow. _Trying your luck? _Spike thought to himself._ Ready for another round of Buffy stalking, are we?_ He wondered then if , subconsciously, he didn't _want_ to be caught. _Make life a hell of a lot easier. Since I don't have the stones to approach 'er myself._

Spike saw her enter the swinging doors of the library and then exit moments later with a messenger bag slung across her shoulder. Buffy stopped again in the hall. Looking around determinedly. Finally, she rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "OKAY." she called out into the dimly lit, deserted hallway "Playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with a vamp was NOT on my agenda for this evening." Buffy took a few slow steps down the hall as she pulled a stake out of her bag "So why don't you come on out so we can get this over with." 

Spike stayed silent as Buffy stalked past him. It was the closest she had come to him yet. He caught a whiff of her shampoo as she went by. His head reeled, but he knew he _had_ to get away from her now. She was closing in. As soon as Buffy was a far enough distance away, Spike bolted around the corner and back to the door of the basement. But Buffy had caught the movement out of the corner of her eye. Her head made a sharp turn as her ears picked up a soft sound of boots squeaking on the clean tile floors of the school. She pursued. Rounding the corner just in time to see the door of the basement almost unnoticeably clicking shut. _Almost._

Carefully; Buffy opened the door and descended the steps. "Not the stealthiest vamp on the Hell Mouth, are 'ya?" she said half to herself, half to the slayee. 

The basement was like a maze. An intricate circuit of corridors that were impossible to navigate unless you had a blue print or were _very_ familiar with the surroundings. Which Buffy was not. 

Spike watched as she drew closer to where he hid at the far end of the passageway; stake griped tightly in her fist, raised and ready for the kill. She turned the corner before she got any closer, though, and Spike saw this as his chance. He darted back down the hall headed to the stairs leading back up. But when he passed the bend that Buffy had taken, he hadn't bothered to stop and notice that she'd been waiting around the corner in the shadows. The vampire passed her in a blur and automatically she reached out and grabbed his arm, bending it behind his back and slamming him roughly into the wall. Then pulling him back and throwing him to the ground. Quickly, she straddled him; stake poised above her head, ready to plunge it into yet another vampire's heart. All in a days work.

Spike made no move to stop her.

But his eyes caught hers just before she made the strike and Buffy froze. She could have sworn she felt her heart stop. And he just lay there; a look of calm resignation in those deep blue eyes. He said nothing. Vocabulary seemed to escape him for the time being. 

"Spike?" Buffy asked softly with a slight quiver in her voice; as though she didn't believe he was really there or maybe she had mistaken someone else for him. But it was him. She lowered the stake. Realizing that she was still straddling him; Buffy quickly got off and backed up until she hit the wall. The stake fell from her hand; hitting the ground by her feet.

Spike sat up and pulled himself back until he leaned against the opposite wall; he drew his knees up protectively to his chest. "You may as well 'ave run the stake through it, luv." he said; averting his eyes from hers " 'cause I can't do a bleedin' thing with it." 

"What?" She asked quickly; she'd heard it before. Where? _Oh, God THINK….. _Her dream. He'd said the same thing. 

Spike was looking up at her now. Gauging her reaction to his sudden reappearance. The look on her face was of pure shock and there were tears standing in her eyes. He chuckled humorlessly and looked back down at the ground. "What's the matter, Pet? Didn't expect to see me again?" 

"After you left without so much as a goodbye FIVE MONTS AGO and no one's heard from you since?" She spoke in a heated voice that drew his attention " No, I didn't." The standing tears fell quietly down her cheeks. "You left so suddenly." Buffy spoke in a quieter voice now.

"Wasn't _that_ sudden." Spike said, and an uncomfortable silence followed as they simply stared back at each other. "Besides, I would've thought you'd be glad to be rid of me." He said with a slight smile. He was only half serious. 

She didn't answer him, but instead took a few tentative steps toward where he sat huddled on the ground and crouched before him so they were eye level "Where did you go?" Buffy asked, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Turning his head away from her; he responded "It doesn't matter." he said quickly. Maybe a little too quickly. But then he heard a sound that he wasn't too familiar with: Buffy had started laughing. He turned back to her with a questioning in his eyes " Something funny, Pet?" 

"Your hair." she said with a smile. "Now I know why I didn't recognize you when you ran past me. Your head's not quite as fluorescent as usual." His roots had grown in. _Big time._ He had a full head of wavy brown hair with bleached blond tips. 

Spike broke out into a grin and chuckled. "Well, I'm glad my lapse in personal maintenance amuses you, luv." But as quickly as it had come, the smile disappeared. His eyes seemed to take on a far off look as his face fell. "It just didn't seem to be important anymore." 

Buffy's brow furrowed and she tilted her head "What _happened _to you?" she asked in a quiet voice filled with emotion. Spike met her eyes again. Her lower lip pouted as she absently reached out to brush the errant curls from his forehead. She heard his unnecessary breath catch in his chest at the light touch. Realizing what she was doing; Buffy quickly pulled away. 

"Buffy?" A far off voice called from above. 

She looked up, as though she could see through the ceiling and identify the person calling her. The voice called again; sounding more urgent now. Buffy's eyes met Spike's again "It's Giles. They must be looking for me. I _have _been gone a while." 

Buffy stood up but never tore her gaze from his. She seemed to be considering something. After a long pause she took a deep breath "I have to go now." she began "But I'll be back in about an hour." Buffy began walking toward the stairs that led to the ground floor of the school. She stopped at the first step and looked back at him; still sitting on the concrete floor of the basement watching her every move. "If you're not here when I get back, I'm going to owe you an ass kicking." She warned him, then made her way up. 

Spike smiled. She didn't have to worry. He would definitely be there. _Maybe I can get the ass kicking anyway_ He thought hopefully. 

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Buffy surfaced from the basement; quietly shutting the door behind her so as not to draw attention. Briskly walking down the hall now to find Giles; she heard the panic beginning to seep into his voice as he called out to her. Looking for her. "Giles! I'm down here!" She rounded the corner; practically running into him. 

"There you are!" He blurted out in relief. Giles took his glasses off and began to clean them. "When you didn't return to the car, Dawn began to worry. So I came in to look for you." 

Buffy grinned _Dawn began to worry, huh? _"Right." she simply said. 

"Was there… uhhh… any trouble?" He asked.

"Oh, no." Buffy said; suddenly a little nervous "Everything's trouble free." She smiled and started to lead him back to the exit that his car was parked outside of. "No.. uhhh… there was just a-- a vampire. I had to get with the slayage. Ya' know?"

"A vampire, you say? In the school?" Giles thought for a moment. "How wonderful." He said sarcastically. "A brand new school building and already it's infested with demonic activity." 

"I'd hardly call one vamp an infestation, Giles." Buffy shrugged "Besides. This building _is_ directly over the Hell Mouth. It's to be expected." 

"Your absolutely right. Perhaps we should comb the campus tomorrow night. There could be a vampire nest formed already-- if not some other form of--"

"NO-- Uhhh, no combing required, Giles. Really. I just took a look around. It was just the one." They exited the building now and approached the car. Dawn and Willow were in the back seat, waiting for them. 

"There you are." Dawn said; non pulsed, once they got in " Giles started to freak when you didn't come out." 

"I did not _'freak'_." 

The short ride to the Summers home was spent listening to the intricate details of Dawn's life as a High School sophomore. Meanwhile, Buffy couldn't help but wonder why she felt she needed to keep Spike's return from everyone. _Well, Giles didn't exactly give off a pleasant vibe when I told him about what Spike had tried to do._ Buffy had wanted to keep that whole incident to herself in the first place. But then Xander had walked in. And the second he did Buffy knew she was going to end up telling _everyone_. Because Xander certainly wouldn't waist a moment in spreading the story while shouting 'He's-evil!- I-told-you-so' and dancing a little jig. 

Buffy sighed. _Xander means well. He just worries._

__

Or is it jealousy? a cynical voice--that she ignored-- asked from within. 

They pulled up to the front of the home that seemed much too big for only two young women such as Dawn and herself. But Buffy hated the very idea of moving out of the house that they had lived in for five years with Mom. _Never gonna' happen._ She vowed. 

Saying their goodbyes to Giles and Willow; the two Summers sisters walked to the front door. "You're going patrolling now, right?" Dawn said; excitement creeping into her voice. "Can I come?" 

Buffy hesitated as she reached the front door; keys in her hand poised at the lock. "Not tonight, Dawn." She opened the door; thinking fast for an excuse " I need to work out some aggression. You don't mind if I go alone, do ya'?" 

"Why? What happened?" Dawn asked, closing the door behind her.

"Oh, Uhhhh… Well," Buffy put her hands on her hips in her best attempt to fake indignation. "I went to the mall earlier.. and…. they were all out of… shoes."

Dawn squinted her eyes at Buffy. "They were out of shoes?" 

"Uh-huh, it's a shoe shortage." But added quickly when she realized how stupid she sounded "What I mean is, they didn't have the pair I wanted." 

"_Okay…_ So you're going to inflict your rage upon the vampire populous of Sunnydale?" 

"Uh-huh." Buffy nodded emphatically.

"And you don't want my help?" 

"Oh no, Dawn. It's not that." Buffy sighed; growing a little frustrated. She tried to tread carefully; afraid that she might say something wrong and send Dawn into a hormonal moodiness relapse. "I love having your help! It's just… I'm just in an aloney mood right now."

Dawn stared at her for moment. "Okay." she shrugged.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, I don't know why you didn't just say that to begin with." Dawn started to climb the stairs to her room " 'cause that shoe story was the lamest thing I've ever heard." she chuckled "I'm going to call Kit and see if she wants to go to the Bronze."

"Not on a school night." Buffy called up to her.

Dawn stopped on the stairs and turned back to her "Buffy, it's Friday." 

"Oh, yeah." Buffy said in a small voice.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Dawn was definitely concerned now. "You've been kind of spacey lately."

"Thanks." she replied sarcastically "I'll be fine. You go. I've got my cell phone if you need me. Have fun." 

"Okay. You too."

__

Yeah Buffy though to herself as her sister ran the rest of the way upstairs. _I'll have a blast. _She walked out the door with a deep breath and headed back over to the high school; wondering whether or not she was finally going to be able to deal with this.

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TBC


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